Its early in the morning now, supposed to be preparing for school but i dont intend to put a single make-up today, not even the basic sun block lotion to prevent more pigmentation and freckles.
Im getting sick of waking up at 7am daily, take a 10 minutes lonley walk to the bus stop, a 40 minutes butt-aching bus ride and attend several hours of boring lectures and tutorials, not forgetting the endless pile of projects and assignments.
Mosquitos are everywhere, the risk of getting dengue is getting higher. Everyone is afraid and paranoid over that, while i hope to actually get it. Since young, i feel very negative towards life. I felt that life is just a game and i hope i could end the game as soon as possible. At a mere age of 12, life is but just a plain and boring pavement i got to endure and walk through. I hope it ends soon. Im jaded of combing through the walkway of life, finding something to satisfy me and hitting my goals.
Suicide came across my mind a million times, maybe not. But definately about 30 times at least. Label me whatever you wish, but i was too afraid of actually doing it. I cant bring myself to kill myself, this is just too horrible. So i always hope i'll get knocked down by a vehicle while crossing the road, or get affected by some diseases, or even, having cancer. So at a point of time, i refused to give up smoking and i was a pretty heavy smoker. This sounds like crap, i know i know.
Im not a saint, neither am i perfect. I have flaws and so do you. Please stop looking at me with coloured lens and passing untrue or un-nice remarks about me. I dont need that kinda advertisement. Gossiping and bitching about is a human nature. I agree, but do not use me as your topic or object. I dont need that kinda "honour".
See, im thinking too much again. I dont even hear rumours about me, though i know pretty well that there are people talking behind my back. It happens all the time. I admit im not that socialble, i dont really enjoy making new friends cos i dont see a point. But at least im trying very hard to open up and smile at people even if they are just hi-bye friends. At least im trying very hard to make new friends and be more loved by others.
Yay, so much for wasting my morning away so i can go to school now. I think im just crapping lah, so ignore the above. I was just trying to pass time. Good morning and have a good day.
I hate to care for people who doesnt bother about my existence, thanks for ignoring me. I'll be trying my very best to ignore you too.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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